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We've been around for a long time, yet there's still an aura of mystery about SOS. Who are these guys you see thrashing about on stage? What does SOS really stand for? What does it even mean? Well, get yourself a cream soda and take a load off, because we're now going to unlock the secrets of Queens' finest.

1. What does SOS stand for?
Nothing. Honest. Think about all of the ridiculous acronyms it could represent. C'mon, use your brain. Save Our Souls? Same Old Stuff? Sucking On Something? Lame. Stupid. If there's one thing SOS isn't, it's unintelligent. That's why SOS is a name, although anyone can associate it with something moderately clever, that is open for interpretation. Some people attest that it means Stoned On Stage. Good one. Others see it as a cry for help. Not literally, but nice try. Basically, it's up to you, dear reader to decide ultimately what it means. We don't have an answer for you.

2. How long have you guys been around?
SOS started in 1994, our first real gig was in 1995 and we've never looked back.

3. Why aren't you guys signed yet?
There's a plethora of reasons why, and it could probably fill a book. To be signed, you need a lot of talent, good presence, a strong following, a stroke of luck and good timing. We're working on the luck and timing, as well as the talent part. Realistically, no labels are knocking down our door. We don't mind; we know it's not about when you get there, but it's about how you get there. We're digging the ride, baby. Besides, we already owe a lot of bucks and signing to a major label, despite the folklore you're led to believe, isn't cheap or free. Just watch a few installments of VH-1's BEHIND THE MUSIC and you'll realize that you MUST PAY BACK all the money they lay out (your expenses). That's called recouperations, folks, and it's killed many a rock star fantasy.

4. Why does Mike use SOS as his last name?
To protect the innocent and add to the mystique. Also, because only a handful of people can pronounce my last name correctly, anyway.

5. Why don't you guys use the SOS soap pad logo anymore?
Well, the folks at Clorox decided that it was in their best interest to put a cease and desist order on our clever marketing ploy by stating it was copyright infringment, which they are 100% right about. But damn, it was fun while it lasted.

6. What has become of all the ex-SOS members?
Funny you should ask, because no one really knows for sure, but our guess is that they're living on an island off the coast of Fiji somewhere waiting for the next installment of Survivor.

7. How come we can never hear Adam when we see you guys live?
1. We play extremely loud. 2. Adam is usually drunk. 3. It's a cheap ploy for you to buy our CD's and learn the words.

8. Why do you guys play so damn loud?
Because it's rock and roll, people. Invest in earplugs, cotton balls, or switch to Mel Torme. Sorry.

9. Where are all the merchandise items you guys always say you're going to make?
Hey, we're broke and these things cost money! We try to make stuff when we can, but we're not oppulent and it becomes hard to make a decision: pay the rent or make 72 t-shirts, ya know? Fear not. The stuff we make will be worth the wait.

10. Why does it take so long to update the website?
Our webguy Rob is awesome. But for him, this is an added responsibility. Rob has a job. Rob has a wife. Rob owns a house. Rob plays in a band. Rob is as busy as the rest of us. We are lucky to have Rob, because he rocks so damn hard. Give Rob a break. Email Rob. Tell Rob you appreciate him. He'll thank you (actually, he'll thank us, but it'd be a nice gesture).
(Mike, you'd think I wrote this! Timelier updates are in the works -- I swear! - Rob)

11. Who is that dick signing the guestbook with all those negative comments?
Well, put it like this...we know who it is, and we appreciate his time, effort and literary skills to continually diss us and make us feel like we're doing something worthwhile. Shame he doesn't sign his real name or give some concrete information, but hey, we all can't be stand up people, ya know. Thanks to the anonymous guestbook entrant, and keep hurling them insults, bucko...we get a kick outta you!

©2002 S.O.S